The most effective leaders view communication as a two-way street, listening at least as much as they speak. But in our ego-driven business culture that rewards and even idolizes extroversion, many default to talking too much and listening too little. Here’s how to spot this tendency in yourself and cultivate deeper, more mindful listening skills.
There’s an old adage stating that we as humans have two ears and only one mouth. The inherent implication is that we should aim to listen twice as much as we talk. This wisdom rings even more true for leaders and executives responsible for building trust, spurring innovation, developing talent, and unlocking others’ potential.
Warning Signs You May Be Talking Too Much and Listening Too Little
If you find yourself exhibiting some of the following patterns, it likely indicates areas where you can stand to improve your communication ratios by reducing excessive talking and increasing thoughtful listening:
You frequently jump in quickly when others are already speaking, sometimes even interrupting people outright before they can complete their thought.
You often catch yourself barely listening, but rather waiting and looking for the next possible break to interject whatever you want to say, rather than truly absorbing what the other person is expressing.
You finish people’s sentences for them, assuming you already know exactly what they will say based on the few words you heard.
If you were to review detailed notes after meetings, you’d observe that you personally dominated well over 50% of the overall airtime, talking over peers.
You feel impatient, distracted, and tempted to redirect the conversation when discussion centers on topics that do not particularly interest you.
You find yourself repeatedly reiterating the same points multiple times to try to ensure your perspectives land and sink in with others.
These types of patterns clearly reveal you have ample areas for improvement when it comes to exhibiting openness, curiosity and presence through more mindful listening rather than simply waiting for your next turn to promote your own views.
The Multitude of Benefits More Active Listening Provides Leaders
Making a concerted effort to increase listening while reducing excessive talking yields profound benefits:
You build far deeper and more trusting relationships when others feel heard and respected.
You surface more diverse insights, perspectives, concerns and opportunities through uninterrupted conversations.
You quickly identify emerging needs, grievances, roadblocks and disconnects early before they escalate.
You powerfully model openness and interest in others that everyone else you lead will then emulate.
You defuse unnecessary conflicts and tensions before they metastasize by hearing people out.
When leaders consciously listen first with presence and care before speaking, their words hold exponentially greater weight and influence. Talk less, accomplish more.
Actionable Ways Leaders Can Start to Improve Their Listening Ratios:
Here are some tactical steps you can take to become a better listener by redistributing conversational airtime from excessive talking to deeper listening:
Set an initial goal to listen 70-80% of the time during most meetings rather than defaulting to a 50/50 split. This means talking 20-30% or less.
Ask more thoughtful, open-ended questions during discussions then make sure to pause and truly listen to the full responses before replying.
After important meetings, review your notes objectively – is the balance of documented viewpoints heavily weighted toward your own perspectives versus a diversity of stakeholders?
Make a point to thank other participants for their unique insights and explicitly mention something valuable you learned from what they shared, even if you disagree.
Reflect on why you felt compelled to interrupt someone else - what insecurity or need is driving that impulse? Then consciously resist the temptation the next time the urge arises.
The more leaders intentionally embody patience and curiosity through their listening, the richer insights they will gain. While becoming a better listener requires awareness and practice, active listening builds all relationships and pays dividends for life.
Executive Coaching to Develop Active Listening and Communication Excellence
Need additional support and guidance improving your listening abilities and ratios as a leader? I offer executive coaching engagements tailored to leaders seeking to hone emotional intelligence skills like mindful communication, empathy and self-awareness. Please don't hesitate to reach out anytime if you'd like to discuss how we could potentially collaborate. Listening forms the very foundation for impactful leadership and human relationships. My door is always open.